War
by Shyliasmommy24
Summary: How Ethan deals with the aftermath of the mass shooting


War

A little one-shot from Ethan's POV on the chaos during the This Is Now episode

Dr. Ethan Choi stood in the middle of the ED, looking around as the nurses started getting things under control again. For two hours, they had been stuffed to the brim with victim after victim of a mass shooting. They had run out of resources, out of manpower, and more importantly out of time. There had been many casualties.

"Are you okay?" The soft voice asked next to his elbow.

Ethan looked over to see his girlfriend, worry etched all over her face.

"I'm still shaking." He responded. "But yet, somehow this was the most gratifying day I've had as a doctor."

April gave him a wistful smile. She knew he wasn't lying, she could see his body vibrating where he stood. She could see the tension in the way his shoulders were hunched, could see the exhaustion all over his face. She knew he was having a panic attack but that he was trying to work through it before the doctor became the patient. She stepped into the doctors lounge, which had been temporarily converted into Connors surgical wing, and grabbed both of their jackets. She handed him his jacket and cast him another worried look as he wordlessly handed her his car keys - it was in that instance April knew how bad the situation was, Ethan was very protective of his car and anytime they rode to work together he always drove, he never let anyone else drive his car. But she could tell he was in no position to drive. He hadn't even scrubbed down, his arms were still covered in blood. "Noah?" She called to her brother. "Can you bring me my car later? Ethan's in no position to drive right now." She'd driven in on her own this morning because Ethan had been up and out the door before she was ready, telling her he had a couple things to do before he went to work. She'd told him she didn't mind waiting on him but he'd simply chuckled, kissed her and told her he'd see her at work. It made her wonder what was going on in that head of his.

"Sure sis, no problem." Noah said, emerging from the shower area in the makeshift surgical unit and taking the keys April handed him.

April followed a stone-faced Ethan outside to his car.

"Just don't crash my car." He said.

"I'm not that bad of a driver." She protested as she got into the drivers seat and put on her seatbelt.

"I've driven tanks better than you drive cars." It was his attempt at teasing her, she knew, but given the state he was in currently he was failing miserably. He just rolled down the window, leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes. He was calm now but April knew once they got home, he'd let loose the panic attack. He always tried not to let his panic attacks surface at work, around his friends. He'd had a couple, one of which led to both Dr. Charles and Jay Halstead talking him down off the roof. After that incident Dr. Charles had prescribed him meds to help with his panic attacks but Ethan refused to take them.

Once they got home, Ethan headed straight for the shower without a word to April. He needed to get the blood off, but at this rate he was starting to think it'd sunk into his skin. He'd seen blood before, death and carnage were all part of war. The hospital had reminded him of a war zone, the bodies of the dead just piled into a room while the living carried on without them. He scrubbed the blood off, making sure it was all off his skin before he stepped out of the shower and dried off.

Ethan had just stepped into the living room when his sister decided to unexpectedly throw herself into his arms. He stiffened up, unable to move.

"Ethan?" Emily asked, terrified.

"Emily, give him some room." April said from where she was sitting on the couch, watching. The poor girl had been estranged from her brother for so long she didn't realize he was in the midst of a full blown panic attack. "He'll be fine. He just needs to breathe." She stood up, walking over to her boyfriend. She gently took his hands in hers. "Ethan, baby? Do you feel my hands? Look at me, Ethan." She'd picked up a few tips from Dr. Charles on how to handle PTSD-related panic attacks. She took his hands and moved them to her heart so he could feel the beating. "Do you feel that?" She asked. "Feel my heart beat, Ethan. Breathe, baby."

Ethan tried to get his breathing under control as he looked up into his girlfriends eyes. He tried to get his heart beat to mimic hers. He had always told April she was a saint. Being a nurse was not for the faint of heart, but not only that April had rescued him from himself. When he'd found himself on the roof that day, he'd been in such a bad state that he'd wanted to just end it all. April and Will had come running to his rescue, it'd been Will who had called his brother along with Dr. Charles to come talk him down. April had stood there the whole time while Jay inched his way towards him, eventually managing to get him off the roof. He went right into April's waiting arms while Will patted his shoulder and Jay, the one who never talked about his time in the military, had told him to call if he ever needed to talk. That had been the moment he'd fallen in love with April. She'd been with Tate at that time, had just found out she was pregnant so Ethan had watched from afar. He couldn't stand Tate and it wasn't just because he was with April, it was because the man hadn't appreciated what he had in her and he'd wanted her to stop working and focus on him and his son while she was pregnant and she hadn't wanted that. They'd gotten into a huge argument in the middle of the ED, which had caused Will to drag Ethan away because he'd wanted to deck the man. "It's not worth it, man." Will had told him. So for the next few months, Ethan had given her space. Then he finally got up the courage to ask her out and had been surprised when she'd said yes. At first their relationship had consisted of them just being friends with benefits but the more they had slept together, the harder Ethan found himself falling for her. He wanted more. She hadn't wanted their co-workers to find out, a doctor sleeping with his nurse could cause a whole lot of problems she didn't want to answer to. Then their relationship had been made public, through no fault of their own, and Ethan couldn't have been happier, it'd meant no more sneaking around and they were free to act how they wanted around each other. Shortly after that, Ethan had asked her to move in with him. She'd been staying with her brother ever since she'd left Tate, so she'd agreed. And he still considered her a saint. Ethan hadn't dated much because all the women he'd been with before April said he had too much baggage and they couldn't handle his panic attacks. One woman had even only used him to please her ex-military father, she'd figured if she brought home her ex-military boyfriend she'd get in her fathers good graces. It hadn't worked how she'd wanted and resulted in Ethan walking home that night after having a bad panic attack. April had come into his life and accepted him for who he was. She was never bothered by his attacks, never told him he had too much baggage, and had even sought out tips from Dr. Charles on how to deal with someone who suffered from severe PTSD. Ethan's therapist had suggested a service dog at one time, but dogs were too needy and he didn't have the time to take care of one. April was better than a dog.

Emily had gone off to her room after April had told her to give him some space. Ethan loved his sister despite her misgivings but now was not the time to try and talk to him. She'd made the mistake of touching him, not knowing any better. April was the only one he could tolerate touching him during an attack. He laid his head on her shoulder, finally letting out what he'd been holding in. "Too much blood." He said. "Too much death, too many bodies."

April just patted his back. Her shoulder was wet from the tears he was letting fall, she could tell he was terrified. She didn't say anything, she just let him talk.

"It looked like a war zone." He said. "Bodies just being dumped into a room. In Afghanistan that's what we did on the battlefield when someone died, we just left the bodies where they fell. No loved ones to claim them, many died with nobody waiting back home for them." He shuddered in between deep breaths. He rarely spoke of his time as a medic in Baghdad. "God April, those poor people. That little boy, nobody stepped forward to claim him, he was all alone. That could have been me. That could have been you or Emily." His shoulders heaved with his sobs.

"But it wasn't." April said. "Ethan, look at me. Look into my eyes. I'm right here. Your sister is in her room. We're both fine. You're fine. We're not going anywhere."

"That's what they all said too." Ethan said. "They all promised their families they were coming home. The look on Natalie's face when she couldn't reach Owen. That mother who cried on Sarah's shoulder. She thought her son was coming home..." he trailed off. "Every soldier promises their family they'll return. Many don't. Jay and I, were the lucky ones. But so many others aren't. They know when they enlist what might happen. I almost died."

That much April hadn't known. She just patted his back, listening.

"The envoy I was riding in was bombed." He said. "Shrapnel everywhere. A few more inches it would have pierced my heart. The medics obviously managed to save me but at what expense?" He sighed. "Four tours in Afghanistan and I still don't think I've seen anything like what the hospital looked like today."

"Ethan," April said, drawing his attention to her. "You handled it well."

"I'm a doctor, it's my job." Ethan said.

"Anyone would have panic attacks after today." April told him. "It's normal, Ethan. There's nothing wrong with you."

"I used to think there was." Ethan said. "Part of the reason I distanced myself from Emily, not just because she can be irresponsible but because I didn't want her to see me like that. She looked up to me when we were kids. I didn't want her to see me fall off the wagon."

"You need to talk to her." April said. "She's really a good kid, Ethan. Her heart is in the right place, she just sometimes make rash decisions but she's trying."

"How come you're so good to me?" Ethan asked her. "Everyone else ran for the hills after they found out about my panic attacks."

"You can't help it." April told him. "And that's their problem, and their loss. I love you, Ethan. And I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon."

Ethan had broached the subject of marriage a couple times to test the waters. He had even overheard April and Maggie talking and April telling Maggie that if and when it happened, her answer would be yes. He'd never met anyone that he really wanted to settle down with until April came along. He could see them spending the rest of their lives together. "I love you too." He said, getting his breathing down to a normal rhythm finally, but he was still tense. He buried his head in her shoulder. "Marry me." He said, muffled, from her shoulder.

April was so caught up in trying to calm him down she thought she misheard him. "What?"

Ethan looked up at her, the light starting to return to his eyes. "I asked you to marry me." He repeated. "Not the way I intended, of course, in the midst of a panic attack but no time like the present."

"Yes." April said without hesitation. Then it dawned on her. "This is why you rushed out the door so fast this morning, wasn't it?"

"It's why Noah came into work with me, I needed his help." Ethan told her. "And why Will was ten minutes late, because I dragged him with us." He'd asked Noah to show him where their parents lived. April hadn't yet introduced him to her parents but his father had raised him to always ask the fathers permission before proposing to a woman so he'd figured no time like the present to introduce himself. He'd dragged Will along for moral support because Will was his best friend and he needed a comforting presence. And Noah talked too much and Will knew when to talk and when to be quiet. Noah had finally tracked down his father on the lake, fishing with Kelly. His father had been thrilled to meet the man who'd captured his daughters heart and had immediately given his blessing. "If you're wondering, your father gave his blessing. So did Noah and Kelly." He knew how important April's family was to her and he'd made sure to include them. Kelly had given him a big smile and a cigar (which he'd politely declined because he didn't smoke) and had given him the friendly warning that he'd better treat April right or else. Ethan knew the fire lieutenant was joking but considering Severide had grown up with April and considered her a sister, he heeded the advice.

"It's about damn time." Noah said, walking into the apartment to return April's keys. "You would have waited another day and Will would have owed me fifty bucks. Now I owe him and Connor fifty bucks." He handed his sister her keys and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Congratulations. I have to go, Kelly followed me over and is driving me back home."

"Are you okay now?" April asked him.

"Better than okay." Ethan told her with a smile, which was quickly overtaken by a yawn. He'd forgotten how tired he actually was. "I don't know about you but I'm exhausted so I'm going to bed. Join me?" He asked.

April was pretty tired too and they had a 5am wake up call to be back at the hospital. Their work was never done. "Bed." She repeated, letting him know there'd be no ulterior motives.

"Bed," he agreed. "I'm too tired to do anything but sleep. I just wanna cuddle." He told her, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom. He slipped the ring on her finger before they'd laid down and he took her into his arms and he was asleep almost instantly.

April admired the ring. It wasn't cheap by any means and had cost him a pretty penny, which he'd probably taken out of his pension that he received from the Army, since all of his hospital paychecks were going towards buying a house since he so desperately wanted to get out of his apartment once his lease expired. With a yawn, she gave him a kiss on the forehead and satisfied to see him sleeping peacefully, she drifted off to sleep herself, a happy smile on her face.

 **Okay so out of the whole OneChicago franchise, this is my favorite couple. There aren't many stories revolving around them. And Med does a good job leaving storylines open-ended that it's a great fan fiction category.**

 **I wanted to portray Ethan's thoughts after Tuesday's episode since they delved into it a little bit but I wanted to go more in-depth. I don't pretend to know anything about PTSD so I'm hoping I did a decent job at describing his panic attack. I wanted to end this on a happy note so that's how the ending came about. I hope you guys like it, and a big thanks to ALL our servicemen and women, it's because of you were able to do the things we do.**

 **What would you guys like to see me write next? Give me some suggestions and I'll do my best to satisfy.**


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